Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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