I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have demons in me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
