Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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