I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
