WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
