I smell stomach acid.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
