I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
