best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
