He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
