Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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