the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up under a house in Key West
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