I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
