it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
