I am puke
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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