I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
