he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
