help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
