I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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