saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
