That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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