Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
