just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
