I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
