If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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