When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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