So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
