I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
