and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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