Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
