I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
