Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
