sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
