Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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