Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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