I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
