Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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