Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
