Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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