dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
