My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
