a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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