I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
