wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
