i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
