It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
