last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
