i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
