at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
