goodnight i made you a song goodbye
false alarm. still invincible.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
