I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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