so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's shark week go big or go home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
