I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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