After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
