no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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