They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
