we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
