I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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